We have one or two in here! The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. Decodes 7. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. How tough? 37. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. 10. They cant seem to string three Ws together. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. The c.i.a. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? OHH OHOH! As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. R-i-i-ing!) I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. This site contains affiliate links. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Better Housing, Health Care, Pay and a Call for National Service Needed My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Here's an SR-71 Story That'll Make You Laugh - Popular Mechanics Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . Military jokes - Pinterest A drill serGENTLEMEN! Of course, he responded. The INFANTry! You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. They know how to take up space. 40. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. Bad altitude. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. military aviation humour - Pilotfriend Caller: Do you have his right number? Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? What do hungry Marines eat? 10. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. In-dough-structible You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. Why Do We Celebrate It? When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. What did you do? Countdown to Iditarod 2023: Tributes, jokes and celebrations as mushers After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. More information More like this A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". Landings are mandatory. 1. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Pictures Archives - Aviation Humor Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. I just put them all together for your amusement. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. She also liked her scotch. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? 30. 3. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. 42. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. 16. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. They want their patients to see 20:20! 36. 4. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. How old are you? a tenant asked. A military captain saying I was just thinking What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. She told me she warships them. [Answered]. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. "They're all mine. Why? I asked. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. It was sheer brilliance. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. We recommend our users to update the browser. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. The other replied, Not me! My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Killed bin Laden. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. 45. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. Nothing, she said. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. Me: No, I dont. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. She also liked her scotch. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). Learn from the mistakes of others. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! Then one day I couldnt find it. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. If it doesnt move, pick it up. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? I set out a roach bombthey defused it. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Semper Pie aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Attention! Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. What happened Sergeant? S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. Officer: Soldier. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. He says, Anyway, enough about me. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. 3. 27. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. From the Squawk Sheets - F-16 64. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Now, lets try it again! Discussion Board on this Military Joke. 32. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Caller: Is Sgt. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. 38. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes I was the tallest guy in line. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. It was sheer brilliance. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Caller: Sgt. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? Air Traffic Control 6. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. What do hungry Marines eat? In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. Top 18 Funny Military Jokes To Share With All Your Military Friends I was the cook.. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. We are directly under the moon.. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Military jokes! When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. An airplane! Divert your course NOW! They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! USA: Choppers Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. I will take the both of you for a ride. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? SUB sandwiches! MARCH! Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. Dont think so? I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Read more. Its where we park the helicopters.. 35. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. Marine: Wait, stop. There are many branches of the military. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Good judgment comes from experience. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. He nodded. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. The Lasting Supper 46. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. 100+ Best Army Jokes And Puns | Kidadl "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare.