why do serial cheaters want to stay married

He is extremely cautious. But, his adrenaline seeking behavior usually extends to his love life and he finds the challenge of conquering new women intoxicating. Thus, I subscribe to the When Harry met Sally viewpoint that men and women CANNOT be friends. I cannot help him or otherwise solve his issues and I am now releasing him to a higher power. She cried on her way out! (Or at least that was the case in the information technology industry). You deserve so much happiness in life, I hope your h shows you everyday, just how much you mean to him, yet I know as well, being a bs, I want to be shown as well, and just as much, probably a bit more too, just quietly, I deserve it lol. I have a question for you if you do not mind. So, he was sitting there thinking, just like the big, bad wolf in sheeps clothing, ohh, the better to fool you with, my dear!. As relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle, serial cheaters are used to cheating. She will think because he wants her to get to know you that he wants to socialize with her. Egads I cant wait, havent had a glass for three days and I swear I think Im getting the DTs its been a long freaking week. They are masters at seeming believable," Wish explained. Narcissism: This person displays pathological selfishness, an extreme sense of entitlement, and he is always looking for new sources (people) to feed his ego. Upon discovering that their spouse is a chronic cheater, the betrayed partners emotions, indeed their universe, are entirely turned upside down. Your partner is abusive or controlling. Thanks Giz. One was my childhood sweetheart. Here are the common traits of a serial cheater: Sociopathic attitudes: Constant disregard for rules; lacks guilt and remorse when caught doing something harmful. Very openly complimentary. I remember wanting to wallop my AP when we got caught after a couple of weeks he said you wont tell (my wife) about (my previous AP), will you?. "If someone is used to hiding information from their partner, they're likely to be jumpy about you so much as touching their phone." Once they start making you doubt yourself, it could be a sign your partner is trying to get inside your head and make it so that you blame yourself for their "needing" to cheat. Detective Gomez, of the Gomez Detective Agency, lists a few potential warning signs of a cheating partner, including: Compulsive cheaters will go to great lengths to hide that behavior from a partner. He didnt get to go through all his explanations and get his ego stroked anymore. Wish I could invite you all over for a Chablis or two. Gender stereotypes have got to go! And in some cases, their family may even be threatened if they got a divorce, so they stay married to avoid that. That kind usually never changes. Once he saw me, he was covered in guilt, and must have thought that he was in too deep to ever think I would want to keep him. Why Do Cheating Husbands Stay Married? Regardless of what they say, never feel bad for wanting to get to know more about the person you are dating. When I was in my mid- 20s, I took a lot of flack from my (now ex) fiance because I wasnt more of an in-your-face extrovert. I have let him know before how he attracts these types, but he is genuinely naive about this because he is just being himself. Although sex addicts have a long standing pattern of using sex as a way to cope with feelings and with life generally, they also typically . Do not give one single day to cousin It and her selfishness and meanness. These sickos often have more than an affair in mind. A: I remember liking him as soon as I met him. By the way, my best friend of thirty years said the same thing about taking the B out to the parking lot to settle it once and for all. He ticks every box except one I know I need to leave but it will take time to execute the plan. Trust=stupid. It's like they think nothing is their fault. I never questioned why he moved to my area. Ever hear of hyper bonding? Through some time I found out he was divorced and his ex and children lived several hundred miles away. I am an introvert, not really concerned with appearances, grew up with many positive marriage role models, dislike talking on the phone or texting, emailing a lot. Its like they say, misery loves company. She knew what she was doing and she played it to the hilt. Terms of Service/Privacy Policy/Affiliate Disclosure. This is because when a man loves you, having an affair isn't on the cards for him. I have found over my 4+ decades that I am unusual, complex and unique. They survive and thrive when no one shuts the behavior down. She will never feel guilt or shame. It's even harder when you realize it may not be the first time your partner has cheated on you or on their former partners. So in a way it was my fault for giving her what she needed, to get her hooks into him. I just pray that you have some support when you arrive in your new town. The thing that fuels serial cheaters is that they have no remorse. If youre the betrayed, give it to your unfaithful spouse. Thanks for telling your story so please dont take my comments as derogatory or personal. The ow, we despise are the ones that dont give a shit about who they hurt. And what's most heartbreaking about these statistics is, of those who had been cheated on and found out about it, most probably never saw it coming at least, not until it was too late. Cheating Girlfriend? But more importantly, they will do their best to prove to you that they're going to be faithful moving forward. Dont even get me started on how furious I am that your children are caught in all of this. If I were her, I would have probably called you to hear your side. But rest assured, if you are dating someone who is truly remorseful for their mistake, they likely won't carry that habit with them into the future. "Calling out the wrong name in the heat of passion is a faux pas that's hard to backpedal," Winter explained, while pet names are easy to remember, especially if someone is sleeping with multiple partners. I dont care how ignorant they are. Thanks for answering. We do things as husband and wife, but I an tell we are not intimately connected. Most cheaters do not intend to cheat. Now were going to discuss the main reasons why most serial cheaters want to stay in a marriage relationship. "Narcissists are preoccupied with feeding their ego, which makes them prime candidates to be serial cheaters," she says. Seriously, dude??? Turns out it wasnt anything I had done, it was all she was doing, she planted her bait, and let him nibble at it, until she hooked him, by playing with his head. This went on and on for several months and it looks like now my friend is finally breaking away for good. Its not like she was doing it for her kids, because apparently they dont even like their dad. In fact, something interesting happened yesterday that made me realize no one would be having affairs if everyone refused to take potential bait. He may lie to himself, but he still has a hard time breaking the cycle. "Somewhere in their history, whether its parents, mentors or the culture they grew up in, they saw cheating as normal," she says. What it boils down to is opportunity, lack of personal moral code, and a great talent for lies, manipulation and entitlement. The ow, we talk about, are the ones that have no conscience, who seek out married men to manipulate and take the life of the unsuspecting wife. But not only are a cheater's secrets not fun, they're rarely shared with anyone. After all, you are/were the reliable/dignified/intregrity-based woman in his life. And I told him I felt the same way about him. Im sure she thought because my H had had an affair he would be easy picking so I caught her many times trying to make small talk. A sick way of medicating his falling ego. I mean, was he the one who started showing interest? Consider his actions since youve found out about the affair. It is clear that your affair partner was a very troubled narcissist and that he was just looking for easy pickings in terms of the next victim. My hope is that the affair was the catalyst for them to work on a marriage that clearly wasnt dead (as has happened with my h and I ). You are not that type of person, I could see that the first time you posted here. I see you as a nice person, who otherwise has better judgement and who has the capacity to feel guilty and to empathize. Can I leave an internship for another internship? They are just simply enjoying the temporary attraction from the other women and letting the marriage relationship be a permanent one. But, I am glad you are standing up for yourself by removing yourself from the situation. I was completely bowled over. I would have realized the romantic overnights he treated me to were just to throw me off the trail. "Most people are more disturbed by the breaking of trust and the intimacy in the rival' relationship, than whether there is sex involved.". So they can easily love the person theyve married. Do any of you ladies have any advice on what I can do to up the ante with this female co-worker who will not go away? Still, I would like for this lady to chill out and back off. Let's say you ask your significant other about a single friend or co-worker they've been cozying up to or talking a lot with recently. Our whore tried to ruin every possible way. A partner who has cheated before is likely to cheat again. They forget they mess with fire, they will get burnt. What a wonderful lot you all are! Flickr/imagineitall. Sounds like a lot of what you are describing about yourself is standard introversion, which is a very valuable characteristic. We discussed this with the MC and she agreed. The Psychodynamic Process Enables Cheating In the quest for narcissistic supply, the somatic narcissist resorts to serial sexual conquests. This of course leaves aside the kinds of relationships or. Serial cheaters get and stay married because on some level they too want a companion to share their life with. Quite honestly I know exactly how you feel. I was working on my laptop and suddenly my sons male dentist was standing in front of me grinning. They dont think of cheating as hurting a person; they even dont think of it as a betrayal; they think of it as conquest, and the way they win or what gives them the fuel to continue is that they were able to get a person. He was the narcissist, you were only being human. That's pretty much it. And being cheated on has lasting effects. You go through their phone records, email, wallet, anything that might prove what you already suspect. I wanted her to know I was leaving my job and taking action and to let her know that I cared that my actions had caused her pain and Id never ever do this again). Anyone else out there have ideals similar to these and stick to them in all situations? A pervasive sense of loss of stability and trust. Serial cheaters don't all cheat for the same reason and Edelman believes it can stem from personality disorders, mood disorders, or past trauma like childhood issues of unworthiness. If you are over him none of that stuff matters. Maybe he never really wanted to get married, and he only did it because its what society expected of him. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Respect is everything in all relationships, and if your partner has cheated on you then they obviously do not respect you at all because if they did, they wouldn't ever have cheated in the first place.